Splitsvillains

Split right down the middle. This is so awesome. A new trend has caught up in our country. Splits. The demands of certain political parties, inspite of all their earnestness has the viewers in splits. I propheise Banana Splits to come back into fashion.

One can imagine the scenario in the days to come. Your Farmville land getting too big to manage? Write to the central government to authorise a splite. So many things in our lives are becoming unmanageable. We must consider what is splitworthy. Recently the common admission tests for management institutes were conducted. It was a massive failure due to

excess server load and mismanagement. Hey, maybe we could ask the exams to be split into two exams with ten day slots each.That might avoid future CATastrophe/CATatonic attitude of the IIMs....no? well how about a CATtle class joke?? forget it...

Maybe divorce/break up being the new trend is actually the root cause of it all. Maybe grown ups are taking lessons from youngsters after all. The cure for incompatibility - split. Or maybe, its just a desire to compete with America to see who has the most no. of states.

Some years down the line the splits could increase exponentially until everyone is living in his own isolated world. Hey, kinda like that flick Surrogates. They all make these dystopian futuristic sci-fi flicks and set it in countries like America or Japan which are doing so well. If you really want to be realistic, you would set it in India. India where everyone touts cultural diversity and yet cant wait to get rid of those different from others.

Ironically, this is a country where local sports team are fanatically supported as if they were patriots off to war. If sports is to be enjoyed, you could realistically support anyone that you like. But no, India means India. Until of course you have actually intereaction/contact with another person. In which case you can't wait to rid yourself of this pest who is so different from you.

Again a point of irony, irony and sarcasm being my only forte, Its funny how its only when talking of division, destruction and chaos that seems to bring a group of people together. While it may be true that a man fighting for his life is the fiercest fighter, in case of a mob, its the one bent on destruction that appears the most dangerous.

Empirical Formula OR Vampirical Formula

Vampire obsession of the world: The world is currently obsessed with vampires. Pulp novels, The Underworld movie series, Facebook applications (for crying out loud)even chick literature, recentlyturned into a movie franchise deal with vampires as does the HBO show True Blood. All this within the space of a few months. It were as if vampires are the new fad.

Fads, obsessions and trends aren't something new. They have been going on for quite some time now. One reason would be that if something sets people thinking, others choose to cash in on that mood by doing similarly themed stuff. Other reason is a lack of imaginative ability to go beyond what they are awestruck by and do something great themselves. They can only imitate the last person to clear the bar. The thought of raising the bar never occurs to them.

What is more disturbing is that not just the trend being imitated in a broad sense. The basic ideas premise established by a person are just blindly carried forward. And not just during the trend. The notions from the very first time the idea was concieved. For example, once established as pale people with fangs, vampires have never been depicted otherwise. And the

current trend has them all as pasty looking people with heavy eyeliner, a goth look and brooding nature. I mean, cant a vampire be cheery?? Oh, and of course they have to have werewolves as their mortal enemies.

People will jump onto fads because corporates will. And they do so because they fear to tread the new path. It has been ingrained into us to go for the safe route. Indians leastways never were adventurous or explorers. But the rest of the world isnt that different either. Drain the fun out of something and then crib that its old and gimmicky. But thats till the next bandwagon comes along and they can jump onto it.

The Networking Network



Another idea of mine related to social networking that I think might make a big hit is, Helplines/Call Centres for social networking. What are some good cool sounding status updates? What consists of an online social Faux Pas? What kind of photos to upload? What are the more cooler sounding quizzes and more hip applications that you could use to show off? Which communities should you pretend to be interested in to make like minded friends?


It would be so cool. My company would be the first of its kind. Multiple social networking sites could outsource their work to me. In exchange, in addition to the mandatory payment, I would ask the sites to recommend my name in the ADD AS FRIEND column to the coolest celebs and the hottest chicks on the site. I would have an army of people work under me.

The people would have to consist of menangerie from various walks of life. To satisfy the various geeky requirements of all sorts of online fanatics, the helpers would also have to consist of people from all walks of life. The cool hip, the wannabes, the hip hop lovers (yes sadly I would have to employ such people because others like them exist out there who would call the site. Of course I would handle all dealings with them while wearing protective gloves), the rock fans and some pretetious rock junkies, even the local filmi chhaps and haemass (Himesh) lovers.

Hell, I even think I'll have an associated photostudio to help people get the most flattering profile pics. Anything to milk money out of the nerds right?My readers, this is a great business opportunity I invite you to. Exclusive only to who read this blog. All..umm...well, three or four of you. Think about it.

Antisocial Elements


There are a lot of social sites floating around. I think the time is ripe for some antisocial sites. Sites which can be like your own private room. The applications and toolbars can be haphazard as you want without anyone trying to clean them up. Where you can hang the kind of posters that you want. Where you dont need to proclaim messages or status updates.

The big question - why have a site at all if you want to be antisocial. Ah, my readers (who are so scarce that I can count you off on my fingers) this is where you get confused. You are mistaking aloofness and a need to stay isolated from being antisocial. You will be connected with people. You will be updated as to their current goings and comings. But you are not to be polite to them. There is no ILIKE or FAN application. there will only be Thumbs Down applications. You cannot become fans. You can only become Detractors of things that you dislike. You only message or notify your friends when you have something demeaning or nasty to say.


You upload photos, but of things you hate or embarassing moments to make fun of others. You could share opinions about things that you hate and things that disgust you, knock down the pretentiousness that others hold on other sites. Say it like it is, bring out your inner geek or conformist. You could stop pretending to be a rebel, if you're not one truly at heart, without having to give up the anarchy. It would be theperfect frustation outlet.

Special Guest Column - Lizzie Laschon

Who Are We Really?

I swear, sometimes I feel like I’m trapped in the skin of someone, or better yet—something else. My outer shell is that of a girly woman-to-be, who is supposed to dress in skirts and cute ribbon blouses and smell of rosy, sweet perfume. That kinda reminds me of a time when me and a friend found a bunch of earth worms and started messing around with them and when I got home all covered in dirt and gooey stuff my mom didn’t know what to do with me. I sure didn’t smell all that peachy back then. But I’m digressing; point is: have you ever felt like you’re someone else deep inside? Like you’re just wearing this stupid normality cape that you stretch onto your body until it threatens to rip? A cape that helps hide your hidden identity and mask it with an appearance of normality.

Mine (secret identity that is) comes in many shapes and sizes but is basically the same: I’m a dork. When I was 13 it was that of a Sith lord, on a mission to subjugate and crush the weak willed (I’d be lying if I said it still wasn’t). Nowadays however I just hide it. I mean…c’mon, how many girls obsess about star wars and have allergic reactions every time they’re exposed to excess affection? Like vampires to garlic; or for that matter to excess girliness? I’m a hazard to my own species. I would, if given the chance, prefer to spend the whole day talking dork instead of spending one hour in a room filled with girls talking girly stuff. And I’d give my soul to cosplay even the dorkiest outfits known even to dorks. I’d even take an idiotic dare like eating worms over a full day of shopping.

So my advice is the following: whether you’re a fat guy who thinks he has ninja powers or you like to think you’re Superman, hang on to your super-identity because after all, that is what really defines who you are, now how polite you can be to someone in a subway or how high your grades in school have been but how super cool your hidden personality is. Because you’re as awesome as you think you are and that can only be seen if all those layers are taken away. Like the process of peeling an onion that results in making little kids cryJ.

So I conclude by saying: dorks all around the world, unite! (Live long and prosper ^^)

The Hunt Is On

why do girls like hanging out at restrooms and toilets. Why do they like going to bathroom together. I mean, its no secret that they move in packs. They say that men have the hunter instinct and women have the settlers instinct, but theyve got it all wrong.

Men are lone hunters. Yes, when need be they can group together, work in teams, coordinate and hunt in packs. But women, they always hunt in packs. And whats more, they hunt the male of their own species. And essential for any hunt is the understanding of the prey.

In this spirit of sisterhood and kinship, they pool all their knowledge of the prey. Even if it

means discussing the most personal and intimate details of their own prize trophy. They share the lewdest details, the scandalous secrets, all so that they each may garner a little more knowledge of their prey. Maybe that is why they resort to oddities like restrooms etc for hangout points, safe from being overheard as they plot and prepare for the big hunt.

Tears and emotional blackmail are not the only weapons at their disposal. Those are just out in

the open. They use embarassment to their advantage too. Picking them off from their squadmates, or trying to seperate one from their packs is one of the most harrowing and embarassing tasks any male can ever perform. The giggle is an autodefense mechanism that goes off unprovoked at any time, thus making the prey self concious and aware at all times, doubt and low self confidence niggling away at his courage.

And when it comes to prize sharing they can be as mean as the meanest of carnivores or

scavangers. They say that hell hath no fury like a woman scorned, but if thats true hell can't have witnessed a woman furious at one of her own brethren (or sistren in this case). They are at their nastiest, meanest and bitchiest best when squaring off against one of their own.

Qualiphicason Pleajhe?

Speaking of celebrities. Being in the news and famous is more qualification than youd think. Being a star or a celebrity entitles you to do anything. The most common thing, especially among female celebrities is designing. Fashion, underwearline, clothesline, jewelery, nothing is beyond them. They launch their own lines and ranges and are sometimes able to ensnare a famous chain to endorse their line or launch their designs as part of their own line. How many star wives are into designing stuff from candles to houses to dresses to jewellery? Thats right, almost everyone we know.

As a celebrity you can design houses no question asked. Angles, height, beam support, measurements...who needs them. You can go into brand management, event management hell even real estate development. Goes to show that there is a budding enterpreneur in all of us, we just dont get to exhibit all our talents. Not all of us. Some have to prove it by learning and earning degrees. In India, the courses, topics etc are often irrelevant to the job that we are supposed to be doing. Technical education is a mere technicality. So its really not that different from clueless celebs taking up different careers. I say this about some courses of course which are actually OFF course. Not all.

And being a celebrity is also changing its meaning. You just have to stay in the news and public conciousness for a while. Hell, make a fool of yourself in more than one reality shows and you are a celebrity. To digress a bit, it is the stupid people in the reality shows who make it

interesting. Intelligent people or sensible ones will have a pattern. The higher the intelligence

the more complicated the pattern and it may take a person of equal intelligence to discern it, but

there is a pattern nonetheless. Stupidity on the other hand is marvellous to behold in all its

naked glory. It is erratic and unpredictable. It zigzags and weaves about surprising and stunning you unexpectedly. But then, people who voluntarily appear on these shows cant be all that sensible now can they?

But to get back to the original topic, fame gives you the license to explore new avenues.

Politics is one of the major fields where fame pays off bigtime. It is a field where you dont have

study courses. You of course have courses dedicated to it, like political sciences and whatnot.

But these chappies go on to become proffessors, not ministers. ITs like bullies in the playground i tell you. Few kids get to hit all the swings and roundabouts, see saws and jungle gyms. The rest sit about moping in the dust.